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ABC News Adopts Zero-Tolerance Policy for News

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Going forward, ABC News will have a “zero tolerance policy for news,” the CEO of parent company Disney said at an all-hands meeting on Thursday.

“In recent days, I’ve heard troubling reports of ABC News employees recklessly dabbling in news,” Bob Iger told the gathering at ABC’s Manhattan headquarters. “This ends now.”

Declaring ABC News “a news-free zone,” he said, “If you find yourself tempted to do news, I want you to ask yourself: is it worth risking your career?”

Iger’s anti-news policy, however, drew a harsh rebuke from Fox News Channel, who claimed that ABC was infringing on its brand.

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/abc-news-adopts-zero-tolerance-policy

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